


it isn't what I wanted

by blessedbethefallen



Category: Professional Wrestling, World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: Angst, Dean has a lot of feelings, I understand it's been over 6 years but I also still have A LOT OF FEELINGS, M/M, This is literally right after the Shield broke up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-12
Updated: 2020-11-12
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:08:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27531265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blessedbethefallen/pseuds/blessedbethefallen
Summary: All he can do is sit here and wait for Seth to walk through that door. He can’t imagine leaving this room without seeing the man who had shattered everything they had worked for. All of their hard work was worthless now.Right after the 2014 Shield break-upInspired by the song "Dissolved" by Absofacto
Relationships: Dean Ambrose | Jon Moxley/Seth Rollins | Tyler Black
Comments: 6
Kudos: 16





	it isn't what I wanted

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! Thanks for coming to read my fic! I used to write Ambrollins all the time back in 2015, but these last 5 years have been rough. Please enjoy this short, sad fic!

Dean can only sit on the floor of their hotel room, the lights from under the door being the only thing keeping the room from being pitch-black. One of the Usos had picked up Roman’s luggage already, right after the show, when the Samoan was being taken to the hospital to get checked over. Dean had refused the medical attention offered to him, opting to go immediately back to the hotel instead. Roman, Dean, and _Seth_ had all checked into this room earlier in the day, back when they were a team, before Seth fucked everything up. Dean remembers how _lucky_ he felt when he had entered the room to see Seth’s bags still there. Seth couldn’t stay away forever, after all. He had to come back to get all his pretty little things. If he _tried_ to stay away, Dean would burn every last bit of his luggage with a smile on his face. It just might amount to the pain Seth had caused _him_.

Dean bounces the back of his own head against the wall, the sound of a thud being the reward every time his skull made contact with the drywall. His hands are clenching and repeatedly unclenching, trying so hard to _be okay_. Dean was drowning in the pressure that he could feel around him. The pressure that pulls his skin and muscle tight against his bones, making him hyperaware of every inch of himself. It felt as if his skeleton was trying to jump ship, desperately clawing its way out of Dean’s body. _Why can’t he ever be okay?!_

The next thud is harder as he flings his head back to bounce his skull again. Dean tries so hard to keep himself grounded; he tries so hard not to lose it all. He wants to scream, cry, and destroy the entire room around him; but, all he can do is _sit_. All he can do is sit here and wait for Seth to walk through that door. He can’t imagine leaving this room without seeing the man who had shattered _everything_ they had worked for. All of their hard work was worthless now. Another hard thud against the drywall and Dean can feel the dent he leaves, but the bouncing continues because it’s all Dean can do.

He can’t help but feel like he’s aged _decades_ in the past few hours. He feels like he’s heavier than he’s even been. All the bullshit he’s been through in life that could never bring him down didn’t compare to being betrayed by _one of your best friends_ , by your _wrestling soulmate_. His short nails dig into the palms of his hands as he clenches his fists. The grinding of his teeth reminds him that he’s real and he can’t stop himself from wishing he _wasn’t_ real anymore. He doesn’t want this to be reality; he wanted to wake up from this nightmare.

Dean is so focused on keeping himself grounded to _this_ reality that he doesn’t notice the entire night has passed. The only sign that morning has come is the door opening to reveal Roman, Jimmy, and Jey. Dean blinks back into focus, meeting the eye of the other battered member of his pack. In Roman’s eyes, Dean can tell the other knew he wouldn’t leave on his own. In fact, that’s the only reason why he came back. Dean hadn’t noticed how much he knew Roman, too, just like he knew Seth. Dean had thought they were all going to be okay. _Why did this have to happen?_

When Dean finally lifts himself off the floor, he doesn’t hesitate in grabbing Seth’s bags before his own. Maybe burning the possessions would make him feel like he’s evened the score, but Dean doesn’t think anything could ever even their scores anymore. Roman doesn’t comment on Dean picking up Seth’s bags first; he’s learned one too many times just to let Dean do what he feels he needs to do. Instead, the Samoan picks up Dean’s bags with the faintest sign of a wince. They both were going to have their scars from this, both physical and emotional.

It’s when they’re finally leaving the hotel room that Roman speaks to him. They’re a few feet behind Jimmy and Jey when Roman looks at Dean with _purpose_. “We’re going to be okay.” It’s firm, it’s strong, it’s _certain_ , but the words barely scratch the surface of Dean’s armor. The tension that had been between himself and Roman once upon a time didn’t exist anymore, but it didn’t change the fact that Roman wasn’t Seth. Dean’s face is a practiced mask of indifference as he gives a short nod. He’s glad Roman doesn’t expect him to say anything back; it would be so hard to talk when he’s busy trying to shove his heart back down out of his throat.

They load into the rental car that Roman had gotten for them the previous day. Roman would be driving, hopefully leaving Dean to try to get some rest on their ride. Jimmy and Jey were saying their goodbyes to Roman, telling him to stay safe and be careful. When the car finally is in motion, fear entangles his body and squeezes. The pulsing in his body only grows as he worries Roman will try to make him talk. Roman had _never_ been the one to talk Dean out of his meltdowns. Seth had always been Dean’s _handler_ , as some liked to say; Seth had always been the one who would tame his demons. The sound of the car radio is the next thing that fills Dean’s head and the tears finally spring to his eyes. Maybe, even without Seth, he and Roman would still be okay. Maybe Dean hadn’t lost as much as he thought he did. When he chokes on a sob, all he can think is how Seth never came back. Seth never came back and Dean never woke up. When he flails out and hits the dashboard with tears rolling down his face, Dean realizes just how serious the situation is because Roman doesn’t say anything. He sits there with his eyes on the road and he lets Dean come to terms with the fact that this time, Seth is really gone.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading, feel free to leave comments and criticism down below!


End file.
